Thursday, January 15, 2015

Creative Writing Final Project

The following is an excerpt from my current novel I have been working on: "A Heart In the Shadows".
 
 
***
 
Cold.
Ice, ice cold.
The room gave off that dull, blue atmosphere like coloring, and the rain outside flew down from the sky like pellets of ice. Kaycee lay bundled up in her single quilted blanket, her insides shivering intensely.
Of course the stupid heater doesn’t work. I swear Greg didn’t have it fixed just to torment me on nights like this when he isn’t home to do it himself.
Gathering as much will power as anyone could get on a freezing Sunday morning, Kaycee hopped out of bed, her holey socks slipping against the frozen floor. With her blanket wrapped around her, she made a dash for the attic door, clomping down the steps and ran to the tiny family room where a unlit fireplace sat.
Deep down, Kaycee knew that her father would be furious if he found out she had used any of the coal that sat in the tin bucket next to the fireplace, to light a fire. But it was so cold, she couldn’t help herself.
 
Lighting the fire, she sat down in front of it, her blanket still wrapped around her shoulders as she attempted to warm herself. She listened to the rain pounding against the window panes, covering whatever was going on outside.
Except the sound of a truck.
Or, more specifically, a jeep.
Kaycee’s heart jumped inside her chest as she began to panic. She had to get rid of the fire before her step-father came in and found her using a few pieces of coal to warm herself with. He would beat her, or worse, kill her. He had always been overly strict about these things. His rules had become crystal clear to Kaycee over the months.
Don’t cook anything unless Greg tells her to.
Don’t use the coal.
Don’t touch anything.
Don’t mess up anything.
Don’t mention her mother.
Don’t bother Greg at all; she wasn’t worth his time.
Without a second thought, she laid her blanket out below the fireplace and then ran to grab a quick cup of water. Kaycee dumped the little water she had time to get onto the fire, it sizzling in protest, but giving in to the fire killing poison. Then, in a rush, she took her hand and swiped the still burning-red coals into her one and only blanket, ignoring the stinging of pain her hand experienced.
As fast as she could, Kaycee pushed open the back window and threw out the burnt blanked and red hot coals into the chilly rain, then left the window open to let the smell of fire out.
Please, please Greg…don’t be observant…
If only Kaycee had so much luck.
“Was that smoke I saw coming out of that chimney?” Gregory bellowed, swinging open the front door.
Kaycee jumped, backing up until she felt the rough wall press up against her back. She didn’t dare speak, for she knew that whatever she said couldn’t save her from the fate she would soon come face to face with.
Or, more like face to fist.
Whatever she could or would say, wouldn’t help her case. Nothing could save her now. Anything, any slight movement from her or anything else for that matter, could make whatever was about to happen ten times worse.
Gregory stormed across the kitchen and into the living room; within seconds he was just a few feet away from her. “Were you burning coal, Kaycee?”
Unintentionally, Kaycee shook her head and immediately regretted it.
Smack!
The slap sound rang throughout the little cottage, or maybe it was just in her head. Her left cheek burnt from the contact of his hand, and her neck hurt from the impact.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” he shouted in her face, spit flying everywhere.
“I-I was cold,” Kaycee hardly recognized her own voice. It was so small and inferior, sounding almost like a quiet squeak coming from a mouse.
Gregory chuckled darkly, “Oh? You were cold? Well that changes everything.”
Kaycee peered up from behind strands of her hair, confused at his remark. But she was only met with a dark stare and a rough shove. The back of her head smacking against the stone walls.
“Don’t make up stupid excuses for your stupid mistakes. You are just as pathetic as your mother,” her step-father growled out. He had her pressed up against the wall, towering over her in rage. His hands braced against the wall behind her, acting as some sort of cage she couldn’t escape from.
She felt trapped.
She felt betrayed.
She always knew something was off about Gregory, but she never knew that her step-father could be so…
Evil.
Kaycee’s legs wobbled beneath her, as if suddenly they had become two, too thin branches from baby trees, trying to support the leaves and branches of a full grown cherry tree.
“Please…” her voice could hardly be heard over the pounding of the rain and the heavy breathing of the man that stood over her.
Begging? Even more pathetic than I thought,” Gregory spit in her face. “Get out of this house; leave. And don’t you dare come back around me.” Taking a hold of Kaycee by her hair, he yanked her away from the wall and shoved her towards the door.
Tears streaming down her face, Kaycee whimpered in pain, “W-why? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I wasn’t supposed to be stuck with you!” Gregory yanked her to a halt. “I got rid of your mother, Freddy was already going to college, and you? After that little depression faze you went through before we moved, I hoped you would rid myself of you, yourself. Sadly, I was wrong. So I’m doing it myself, as easily as possible.
“If I were you, I’d leave while you still have the chance. Or do you want to end up just like your mother?” he growled down at her, like a beast ready to attack his prey.
Kaycee’s eyes widened at every word that leaked like poison from his mouth, her body shaking in fear.
Before she could think twice about anything at all, she yanked herself free from her step-fathers hold, and darted out the door.
Praying that she could find some freedom from him in the dense solitude of the woods around her.
Little did she know, she would find much more than freedom.
Running as fast as her legs could manage, Kaycee propelled herself through the trees, twigs and branches whipping her legs and face. She held her hands over her face as she ran deeper and deeper into the word, the warnings and stories of a ferocious monster that had been told to her by the villagers, not even crossing her mind.
She had to get away.
She had to keep running.
She had to.
When her lungs just couldn’t handle the heavy breathing any longer, Kaycee came to a stop, leaning against the moist trunk of a tree as she gasped out in attempts to catch her breath.
Beads of sweat dripped down her forehead as her hand clutched at her throbbing chest. Her heart pounded in her neck as the flowing of blood filled her ears like the deafening sound of water rushing down a river.
Kaycee’s hunched posture quickly straightened up as she realized that the rushing of blood wasn’t just in her mind. Somewhere close, she heard the swooshing sound of intense running water.
Somewhere close, there was a river.
On shaky legs, she used her hand that rested against the tree trunk to push her forward in the direction of the running water. Wiping away the pointed branches of the bushes and trees around her, a large river was revealed to her. Its crystal water flowing rapidly, circling around heavy boulders that sat planted in the middle of the river.
With a sigh of mixed exhaustion and relief, Kaycee dropped to her knees and cupped her hands, welcoming the freezing water to her lips. After a few moments of basking in the refreshing feel of cold water running down her throat, she leaned back in the mud and grass, and looked up through the clearing of the trees to see the almost black clouds hovering low above her.
Her eyes traveled slowly from the black clouds, down to the view in front of her, her breath catching at what she saw.
A beautiful, yet dark mansion of grey and dusty white marble and stone filled her vision from the sky to the ground. Its angles sloping this way and that; the magnificent architecture like none she had ever seen before, not even in the books she read continuously. It was nothing anyone could dream up to paint or draw, and no words could ever describe the dark and almost painful vibe that radiated from its walls.
With gargoyles perched on the tops of the pillars of stones, their faces fierce and ugly, yet so mysterious and tortured that they could almost be described as beautiful. A marvelous gate of iron surrounding the grand building, pointed arrows giving off the sense of power and protection, its dangerous feel making it obvious that any visitors were, plain and simple, unwelcomed.
The mansion gave off the atmosphere of mystery and chance, stirring something up of curiosity within Kaycee.
 
She had to get closer.
She had to know what lay within those threatening walls of stone.
She had to, and she would.
Spotting a broken bridge yards down the river laying there, stable enough for just one more person to cross, as if it was waiting just for her. Kaycee took a deep breath, and approached the rickety old thing.
A great roll of thunder shook her to the core, as she faced the challenge head on. Just as she placed her foot on the rotting wood for her first step, a flash of lightning and another clash of thunder sounded as warning.
A part of her wanted to turn back, but her old self, the girl she was before her mother died, wouldn’t let her. Something whooshed passed her, making her look up from the spot she had been staring at on the wood.
A familiar speckled blue bird whistled at her from its spot perched on a branch on the other side of the bride, distracting here for a mere second. It was that quick loss of concentration that caused Kaycee to lose her footing and slip down into the freezing cold, rapid waters.
 
 
***
 
 
Thanks for reading!
 


Monday, January 12, 2015

Reflective Essay (Creative Writing Assignment)





1. My biggest challenge with creative writing has been the critique. I have never done well with criticism, but I definitely know that is has made me a better writer.




2. Some things that I have learned this semester about myself and about my writing are that not everyone thinks or writes the exact way I do. But that's okay, because if everyone wrote and thought the same way...there would be nothing creative about the world.




3. Something that I have definitely learned about the writing process is that everyone has their own personalized "process" that works for them. Mine? Write something that could turn out to be great, forget about it, and then find it a few months later crumpled up in my journal and start again.




4. I did observe a bit of a change in my writing over the past semester. The things that I first wrote about weren't really my thoughts. Gradually I started writing about things that were more meaningful to me. I started writing for myself, and not for others.




5. My whole life I have used writing as my way of expressing my thoughts and feelings towards certain things. It's how I've learned to be my true self.




6. My attitude about writing in general has most definitely changed since the beginning of class. I didn't really take any of my writing too seriously because I didn't think it was any good to begin with. But my teacher pushed my limits and made me venture into the uncharted territories of my thoughts and turn those into pieces.




7. My favorite aspect of creative writing is that there are no limits. No one hands you a piece of paper and tells you that you have to write about this or this. But that's also my least favorite aspect of creative writing. I don't know what to write about, and when I do? I'm not sure if I should be writing about that.




8. I can continue to grow as a writer and creative thinking by continuing to push myself away from my bubble of safety and venturing into the uncharted territories that I've been challenged to reach out to this year.




9. For my final project, I chose something that meant a lot to me. Something that I felt expresses myself a lot more than the others.




10. I think my blog presents how my personal writings have evolved pretty well. I didn't ever intend to put much thought into my blog, to be honest. But now I'm realizing, that there's nothing wrong with sharing my writings with the world.


11. Due to the fact that I would like to become a High School English and Creative Writing teacher, I don't think I will have a problem when it comes to continuing to use my writing throughout my life. I look forward to the future and what it has in store for me.

10. A Broken Promise (Creative Writing Portfolio)

A Broken Promise
She drives home, the empty light still on.
Holding back the tears that have been threatening to spill all day, as the uncut lawn blows in the wind; the damp smell invading her nose.
Her too thin hands brush bone to metal as she steps over the pile of sopping envelopes with big bold letters stamped on each one. Two familiar words that she chooses to ignore.
Through the door and around the pink toys she hands, the a young woman another promise of pay as she bids her a brief goodbye.
The girl, with fresh, clear eyes, gives the too skinny mother with dying black hair a knowing and sympathetic smile as she reassures the woman with a fifth “no need. This one’s on me.” and then leaves the mother alone with her sleeping child, stepping over the untouched mail.
The mother, inside, doesn’t bother to look around at the forever growing mess as she peeks inside her sleeping child’s room, closing the door and continuing to the kitchen cupboard where she kept the bottle he gave her for the return that never happened,
She pours the red, silk poison into the last clean cup and sips slowly; legs crossed, she notices her last good pair of nylons has already began to run beneath her baby blue and white uniform.
Annoyed with herself, for the first time that late evening, she bothers to look up at the mess she should attempt to clean.
Her heart clenches as her eyes wander from the spotless floorboards to the shinning purple stone displayed up on the mantel where a picture of the two sister towers sat, mocking her loves promise of a lifetime spent together.
For once in a long time, she had one less thing to worry about, as she lets the tears spill down her pale cheeks.

9. Listen (Creative Writing Portfolio)

Listen
She sits there in the crowd of people, feeling as alone as ever. Things are different now. No one is the same as they use to be, and neither is she. Years have passed, and yet she still grips onto what once was rather than what is or will be. Afraid of what could be and wishing for what might be, she sits and does what she does best.
Listens.
          Everyone spills their secrets and regrets onto her fragile glass plate that has worn thinner and thinner over the years from her own silent baggage, along with that she has taken upon herself to help others with.
          And that was her weakness.
          She has the rottenly sweet habit of putting others first before herself, when at times it’s her that needs the help. But that’s not what people see. No one sees the pain she suffers through day to day. No one sees how her heart sinks every time she tells people she is “fine”. No one sees the tears she can’t hold back any longer the second she walks through her bedroom door.
          Everyone sees the mask she puts on; the smile that she gives back to the world. Everyone sees her as open minded, and goes to her for a set of ears to talk to. Everyone sees the struggles she goes through, but they continue to accept her answer that she is just “fine”.
          So she sits there in the crowd of people, feeling as alone as ever. She puts on her best smile, masking the pain she feels inside. She slowly loosens her grip on what once was and cautiously turns to what is or will be.  She begins to forget what might have been, and looks forward to what could be. The light at the end of the tunnel finally showing through the darkness.
          And she continues to sit and do what she has always done best. Listen. With a sliver of hope that one day, maybe one day she will meet that one person who will do just that. Listen.

8. A Closet of Masks (Creative Writing Portfolio)

The following piece I entered into the 2014 Reflections contest at my High School, and took first. Enjoy!




A Closet of Masks
 
With every individual comes a closet.
But not just any closet one might find in a bedroom or a hall.
It is an empty closet, when we are first born.
And as we grow, day by day, it begins to fill.
The people we come across have one thing in common.
They come with expectations.
To fulfill the expectations of those we meet, we create an individual mask for each and every one.
And slowly, our empty closet grows to be a closet of masks.
 
I wake up in the morning, and the first thing I do is make a decision:
What mask will I wear today?
Will it be the one my mother wants to see?
The emerald green with success stamped across its face?
Or will it be the one my friends want to see?
The vibrant, colorful one in pinks and purples that just scream happiness?
A mask for my grandmother, a beautiful lady, who only wants her granddaughter to shine in life.
So I put on the mask that I know will make her proud.
An elegant mask made of black silk, trimmed in silver, and edged with diamonds that do just that, shine.
 
My closet of masks.
Masks made to appeal to everyone around me, but me.
But that’s okay, because society never taught me a lesson of how to love myself before I give others a chance to love what they think is me.
My eyes, hidden behind the black, empty shadows of despair.
 
 
You wake up in the morning, and the first thing you do is make a decision:
What mask will you wear today?
Is it green like the paper you want your bank account to overflow with?
Or is it blue like the sky that belongs to a world with opportunities?
 
We all put on these masks that we have made for everyone to see.
The masks that were meant to please everyone but the mannequins that model them to society.
A closet full of greens, pinks, oranges, and blues.
Masks that glisten, and masks that blend.
So many colors, yet, for some reason they mask your true ones.
True colors masked by more and more colors.
 
We crave the freedom, the power of being who we truly are.
We pray to God to give us that escape from the shadows of the barriers we put on each morning.
We pray some more.
And then we go to sleep.
 
We wake up in the morning, and go to our closets of masks.
The doors open.
You freeze, I start to shake, and the world begins to end.
Only to begin again.
The masks are gone, the closet empty.
One less decision to make.
A world of masks, a society of expectations, a place of hidden identities no longer existing.
A new world is born.
An old society dies.
A better place.
One without a closet full of masks.

7. Ode to My Hand (Creative Writing Portfolio)


An Ode to my Hand

 

An ode to my hand, the part of me I hate most

It’s scarred and bruised, a non healing mess

My hand, broken and torn, a nuisance to see

Something to try to hide away from the world

But then I realize, it’s just me

 

I knew from the beginning it wouldn’t be pretty

A jagged scar was a fate to be worn

I knew that pain would be something to hide

Do you really know the pain my hand feels inside

Is it sympathy or empathy your hand hands to me?

 

An ode to my hand, it fights a never ending battle

Its exhausted and worn, but it still keeps on fighting

Who knew something so simple as writing-

Could bring such a thing to spasm, I couldn’t fathom

It takes more effort to pick up a pencil, to hold a stencil

 

I never knew the wonders a simple hand could do

Until I couldn’t do a simple task in the end

From opening a door, to starting my car

I struggle to wave hello to my own friend

Every day, faced with challenges I could conquer before

 

An ode to my hand, the part of me I respect most

Its unique beauty, a non healing muse

My hand, broken and torn, makes me so confused

Something I really shouldn’t hide from the word

Because, I’ve realized, it’s just me

6. Dear Man Who Looks Like Me (Creative Writing Portfolio)


Dear Man Who Looks like Me,
                Or, I guess it would be the other way around: I look like you. But first, let me assure you that I am nothing close to what you are. Now, please, don’t take offense to that. It honestly would just be a waste of a perfect  thought that could have been spent reminiscing about the night you had spent with my mother that ended in a disaster, but still had a pretty good outcome (if I do say so myself).
                Before I go on, let me assure you that I want nothing what-so-ever from you. Okay, I admit, that was a partial lie. I do want a couple of things (and they aren’t much), but we’ll get to those eventually.
                Perhaps this is the part where I introduce myself. I give you my name, my age, the color of my eyes and mention my favorite color. But anyone who knows any of those things about me actually deserves to know because they have served as a very important figure in my life. And I apologize, but I personally feel that you don’t deserve any of that. Sure, my whole existence is due to a little mistake you made one night, but you are nothing close to being any sort of figure in my life.
                I’ve seen exactly two pictures of you in my life. The first one I found on an inactive social media account. You were smiling, and dressed head-to-toe in cameo. I couldn’t see your eyes behind your cheap sunglasses, but I could see your smile. We have the same dimple on the bottom right corner of our mouths when we grin. If I recall, in the picture you were holding up a fish you must have caught just a few moments before. It was huge, and you seemed proud. Maybe that look you had-one of pride and joyfulness-would have been the look you would have given me when I won my first basketball game, or sang my first solo and totally nailed it. Maybe.
                The second picture wasn’t as flattering as the first. This one I came across when I typed your name in a local Google search. You were frowning, staring off into the unknown space behind the camera. Maybe the man, or woman, taking the picture was hassling you or treating you inhumanely. Maybe you deserved to be treated that way? I wouldn’t know. I just know that the orange jumpsuit made your face look like it had aged twenty years, and you looked sick. Or, maybe, that’s just how someone might look after being arrested for statutory rape charges. But the information that came along with that mug shot led me to your last known address. So I’m not going to complain too much about how you looked.
                Now, I’m not entirely sure if this house your mug shot led me to was actually yours once upon a time. Hey, you could live there right now and I wouldn’t know it. Sure, I’ve driven by on that run down road once or twice (if I’m being honest, it’s been four), but I’m not the type of person to go and knock on a door of a random stranger that has gone to jail for molesting girls like me. I’m not stupid. But I did slow down long enough to notice the little wishing well with overgrown vines circling it, that sits in the front yard of your(?) run down home. I saw the vehicles covered with car tarps on the side, and noticed how you seriously lack in the “yard work” expertise. Funny thing is: mom would have done wonders with that run down garden. She always does.
                I don’t want you to think that your daughter has come running to you because she wants to know who you are, and because she wants to have you as a part of her life. If for a second you thought that was what I wanted, you were seriously mistaken. I am not your daughter, and I do not want you to be any more a part of my life than you have already been. I ask one thing that will take some effort, but due to your eighteen year disappearing act, I feel isn’t impossible.
                I’m old enough to know what I want to do with my life, and, even more importantly, what I don’t want to do with it. I know that one day, I would like to graduate from a University and go into the field of my choice. I know that one day, I would like to marry the man I love in a way I view as the right way. I know that one day, I would like to have my own child(ren) and raise them in a way that my husband and I both see fit. But my whole life, I never felt secure in the idea of bringing in children to this world because there is a half of me that I don’t know about. Not that I need to go on some sort of wild adventure and “find myself”. That’s not exactly what I’m talking about. What I’m trying to say, is that maybe there was a unknown genetic reason as to why I broke my arms a few more times than normal when I was younger. Perhaps some sort of health problem runs in your family that I have inherited, or maybe it skipped me and my own children could have it one day. I’m sure there are so many other ways I could go about asking a total stranger for medical records, other than this. But if you actually knew me, this whole thing wouldn’t surprise you.
                You’ve been absent for eighteen years and counting, so I ask you this one thing with hope that you will, indeed, follow through. I’m not asking you to come play a part in my life, to make up for eighteen years; I don’t want money, or memories. Although, I won’t lie and say that medical records are the only thing I want from you. But they are the only things that I need, and are the only things that I am asking. I’m not asking you to make up for eighteen years of missing memories. I’m not asking you to pay my way to college. I’m a big girl and I have never needed to lean on “Daddy” for support.
                Personally, I feel like I’ve taken up more than enough of your time just by writing this letter and you possibly reading this. I don’t even know if you’re still alive to read the papers anymore. Maybe you’re still locked up somewhere? I don’t know. This whole idea of mine to write you a letter and send it into the local newspapers was really just a way to get an ‘A’ in my Creative Writing class (imagine that: writing you is somehow creative). But, if somehow this letter did reach you-or even one of your family members-and knew it was about you, maybe…I don’t really know. Maybe I could get those medical records from you or not, maybe I could find out if you are still living or not, maybe I could see if I get the color of my eyes from you.
                There are so many possibilities that come from taking a chance, and even more that come from the art of the written word. Eighteen years you’ve been gone, and I will always keep counting. Not counting down to the day where you are a part of my life, not counting down at all. But I will always keep counting.  Because, whether we like it or not, we are a part of each other. And we always will be.
Sincerely,
                                The Girl Who Looks like You
                                                                                PS: My favorite color is white.

5. Christmas Memories (Creative Writing Portfolio)

Christmas Memories
 
The lights on the tree reminded me of that summer’s night we had spent together at the tip of Jordan Peak. The water below flowed freely¸ the sunset glistening across its surface; waving this way and that like a glorious mirage.
 
The presents that lay beneath, wrapped in emerald and trimmed in gold, brought me back to that look in your eyes at the moment you said those three words to me for the very first time.
 
The red that decorated the mistletoe made me smile at the thought of the vase of roses that one sat up on the windowsill in our kitchen. The kitchen where we once cooked every holiday dinner together.
 
I missed those days when you were once here next to me. the time when only an ocean kept us apart rather than a world of unknown Heavens. The heart of purple that sat, displayed on the mantle,, next to the Christmas Tree kept haunting me every time it caught my eye.
 
Every Christmas.
Every New Year.
Every day and night.
Forever.

4. Endure (Creative Writing Portfolio)

Endure

 
Life feels like it’s about to end when tragedy strikes

The world around you falls to pieces as you fall down

No one looks at you when you cry for help

But once you do something wrong, you become a clown

 
Everyone that didn’t before suddenly notices you

And there is no escaping, no hiding from those eyes

The eyes of hatred and cruelty that taunt you

And all everyone notices is every little fault and lie

 
One thing we all have in common is a single word

The word everyone repeats to you, which must be true

They all shout and scream it in your face, around the world

One single word that must hold all the answers~ Endure

 
Endure to the end and all will be well, they insist

Endure to the end and you will have survived, they say

But what if we don’t want to endure everyday>

What if there is that one day where we just want to fall?

 
There comes a day when all we want to do is give up

We don’t want to keep climbing against the avalanche

The avalanche of words and actions that caused us to fall in the first place

Words and actions that caused us to fall and hit each branch

 
The end. The two words that we so desperately want to hear

Two words that will end our horror story of a life

In the end we will look at our reflections in the mirror

And the one word that will describe us? Endured.